Four Ways to Give Constructive Feedback
For any leader, one of the most direct approach to develop your employees is to give them feedback on a regular basis. This can seem like a daunting task to do, especially when you have constructive feedback to deliver. If you are like me, you might worry about:
Damaging the relationship;
Hurting the other person’s feelings; and/or
Being seen as difficult, demanding, or “not-so-nice”.
These mental models kept me in my comfort zone when I was a manager, but they also created barriers for me to be an effective leader. It took me years to realize that I lacked the confidence to engage in conflict because I never learned how to have difficult conversations in a productive way. So, I opted to take the safer route instead: To avoid confrontation at all costs. As it turned out, the path of least resistance often came with a huge price tag. For one, the problems never went away by themselves. They just fester. And eventually become bigger.
Second, playing it “safe” held me back in my corporate career in various ways — from fully stepping into my leadership potential, to addressing dysfunctional dynamics, to building trust quickly with my team. Not to mention the challenge I had with influencing upwards (my boss) and laterally (my peers). Or the time I was passed up for a promotion due to being told that I lacked executive presence. Ouch.
In the book, Power Up, by David L. Bradford and Allan R. Cohen, the authors offer four ways to give feedback that I have found useful. I love the authors’ perspective that confrontation can be supportive, and in the process, foster interpersonal connection that is genuine and direct — not diplomatic or sugar-coated. They call it, “power talk.” Here’s a summary of the four approaches to help your direct reports grow and develop:
“This is the effect of your behavior on me”
Impact trumps intention. The simplest way to give feedback is to communicate the effect of the employee’s undesired behavior on you. If you use this approach, remember that it is important to describe the behavior (an observable action that can be pointed to) and avoid attributions (your judgments or interpretations). Examples include: When you said X, how that landed on me is…. ; When you did Y, the impact that had on me is…. ; When you said Z, I felt….
“Your behavior is not meeting your apparent goals or intentions”
The second approach is to clarify how the behavior does not help advance the employee’s interests. A person who is behaving such that it contradicts or gets in the way of them achieving the results they want is more likely to take your feedback seriously. As a manager, find the time in your 1:1’s to be curious and inquire about your direct report’s goals and intentions. What matters most to them at work? What do they pay attention to? Where are their learning edges? The more you can tie your feedback to the employee’s goals or intentions, the more receptive the employee will be. It shows that you do listen and that you care.
“Your behavior may meet your goals, but it is very costly to you”
If the employee’s behavior is bothering you, there is a high probability that it is in some way also costly to the employee. Some costs may include: damaging one’s reputation, becoming the person no one wants to work with, and losing influence or trust with others. What someone doesn’t know about themselves can hurt that person a great deal. If you truly care about the person’s effectiveness, using this approach to give feedback allows you to express your concerns and potentially reveal a blind spot for the employee to be more aware of their impact.
“In what ways am I part of the problem?”
This last approach helps to reduce blame and shift the conversation into joint problem-solving. When you start off owning your piece in creating the conflict, it reduces the likelihood that the employee will become defensive. Talking this way also levels the playing field by inviting in reciprocity. The more upfront and vulnerable you are about your contribution to the problem as their manager, the easier it is for the employee to open up to you in return.
You can use one or a combination of these approaches the next time you have constructive feedback to give. Like learning how to play an instrument well, you must practice. It may not be your best the first time around, but I often remind my clients that the better conversation is the one you actually have. Consider working with a leadership or executive coach for accountability and customized support. An experienced coach who is well-versed in these four approaches can help you plan out your conversation(s) ahead of time that tailors to your specific situation. Remember that giving feedback effectively is a crucial skill to hone. The quality of your leadership is a function of how you develop and influence others to create high-performing teams.